let’s talk about egg whites

Posted: August 11, 2011 in green

Now, you can place me squarely in the anti-diet camp. They’re exercises for people with poor self-control which usually affect a person in one of two ways:

1. they succeed in their quest for self-discipline, which just makes them want more control, and they go crazy organizing and planning every single detail of their lives according to “healthy” rules

2. they succeed for a minute but ultimately revert back to their oreo-muching freewheeling ways, destroying their confidence in their self-control, and thus making them less likely to try to attain it

Really, people, take a goddamn walk. If you’re mildly active and don’t eat three grease-soaked meals a day, you’re gonna be fine. I’m not saying its the road to bones-sticking-out modelhood, but really that whole “oh, they’re too skinny” jibe that you say with a concerned voice even though you don’t actually care is wayy worse than being three months and 4000 crunches away from a six pack.

So anyway. All I had in my fridge for bfast this afternoon was: an old half of a white onion thats been sitting in my lunchmeat drawer for way more than a week, the last two artichoke hearts left in a jar of them from sunflower market, eggs-not expired yet-yay, about a third of a huge costco black of irish cheddar, and frozen pita.

Now, I woke this morning feeling like crap. You know those mornings when your window has been open and at 8 am the dewy freshness of newly sunlit air drifts into your sleeping lungs and invigorates your senses so that you sit up and say “Yay! A new day!” ? Well this morning was the opposite of that.

I thought about my life for the past few days: the drinking, the looseleaf tea, the pure diet of take out I’d been subsisting on, the lack of mountain air. Clearly, I’ve been misbehaving, and my body delivered a curt comeuppance in my first moments of consciousness today.

So I offered up penance in the form of an egg-white omlette. I knew I had to cook the onion pretty good for it 1. not to wreak gassy vengeance on my stomach and 2. for the old-onionness to burn off. I diced it small, put it in a sautee pan with some water and olive oil, waited for that to burn off, then added butter and turned the heat way down. Took some basil and chives from the planters outside, chopped ’em up good, added those, and sauteed more amidst g-chatting. Then I added the egg whites, then the artichoke hearts, then seasoning.

Not to brush the dirt off my shoulders or anything, but it was memorable good.

My point is, you know that kinda nauseous feeling you get when you’ve been eating eggs too much and the prospect of eating more you just can’t handle? It’s all yolk. When you’re feeling like you’ve been smoking pot and licking the grease off dirty diner pans in between shots of jack for three days, it’s the egg whites you’re gonna want. Clean, mild, non-egg tasty egg whites. Just don’t pour them out of a cardboard box, that’s just gonna lead to pancreatic cancer.


  1. Mr WordPress says:

    Hi, this is a comment.
    To delete a comment, just log in, and view the posts’ comments, there you will have the option to edit or delete them.

  2. Vincent n says:

    I love egg whites, also your writing.

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